Breaking Up with Busy

As a certified creativity and self-empowerment coach, I create safe and sacred space for highly-creative and spiritually-minded women who are ready to discover, empower, and activate their authentic voice and bring it into light.

Through a series of creative exercises and journal writing prompts, I lead my clients through a powerful process that includes overcoming challenges and obstacles that often impede the success they want to create – and one of the biggest challenges they face is perfectionism.

Women today have reset the bar – and it’s high, collectively aiming into the stratosphere to be the most creative and dynamic professionals, the parents with all the answers, the most understanding and loving partners, and the best and most reliable friends. Their perfectionistic expectations have led to an unrealistic and terribly demanding mindset, and they multitask from one event to another, silently murmuring to themselves, “Something’s got to give and I’m tired of it always being me!”

In the recently published book, Breaking Up with Busy: Real-Life Solutions for Overscheduled Women by New World Library, author Yvonne Tally offers practical, effective solutions to the frustrations caused by a time-strapped, perfectionistic lifestyle. I’ve invited her to join me for a conversation on my blog today to share more about her life-changing work.

*********

You open your book with the statement that “‘I’m busy’ has become the new ‘I’m fine.'” Can you explain more?

Not too long ago, our culture was more private, especially in public. “I’m fine” has long been a polite but not particularly revealing greeting. “I’m fine” can also convey a deeper message of “don’t ask anymore” or “let’s move on.” It was the entrée to exit a conversation or not to engage further. And in a culture that conditions so many of us to fake happiness, “I’m fine” projected an image of having it all together.

How did we get from fine to busy? When economies grow and incomes rise, time is seen as more valuable. We don’t want to waste it, so we pack in as much as we can in every moment of the day – and end up busy, very busy.

Today there is a status attached to being busy. It makes us feel more important and valuable. And thanks to technology and social media, we’re reminded constantly that everyone is busy, and it has become a new normal. “I’m busy” is so subtle, yet so recognizable as a way to connect with others we identify with that are also busy. It says, “You get me and I get you, and nothing else needs to be said.” Just like “I’m fine” was once the signal that we can move on, “I’m busy” now does the same and it lets our peers know, “I’m important because I’m busy just like you.”

You had quite a health scare that inspired you to do this work. Tell us about that experience.

I was so busy teaching others how to live a vibrant and healthy lifestyle, growing a business, and raising my daughter as a single mom, that I missed my own signs of busy and overscheduled. My fast pace, sleepless nights, and crammed schedules landed me in a hospital emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack when in fact I was having a panic attack brought on by stress. It scared me enough that I made a huge lifestyle shift. I adopted a much more mindful approach to my life on a daily basis.

You offer four different traps that busy women often fall into. Give us an example of two of them.

The first is the “Being All” trap. Many women fall into this when they feel as though its expected of them to get-it-all-done, often at the expense of their well-being. They put enormous pressure on themselves to be everything to everyone and feel inadequate when they fall short of getting-it-all-done.

The other is the “Saying Yes” trap. It is primarily the need to please others. This often gets set up in early childhood when parents are domineering and tend to micromanage their children’s every decision. Over time, this begins to strip away the child’s confidence to think independently. Love becomes conditional, compliance and people-pleasing become a way of protecting the person from feeling unloved.

If you were in an elevator with a busy woman and you only had thirty seconds, what is the number one think you would tell them to start doing now to move out of their busy, overscheduled lifestyle?

Slow down! Keep your big picture front and center. Take three minutes a day and meditate on what you want to bring more of into your life. Start your day with a mantra that will help you stay focused on what you want, not what you are trying to avoid.

And when faced with a dilemma that is time-zapping your energy or confidence, ask yourself, “Is this really important? Will it be important tomorrow? In a week? A month? A year?” That is a great way to gauge your involvement in a problem that may be distracting you from doing and feeling what you really need, want, and desire.

Do you have any other practical tips to offer to those who are ready to break up with their busy, overscheduled lives?

Take one step at a time. There are twelve practical solutions in Breaking Up with Busy and one of my favorites is Descheduling. It’s a way to edit your time and reduce the extraneous items that continually find their way on to your calendar. Pause before automatically responding to requests by imagining a big button in front of you that says PAUSE. Hit it, take a minute, and then respond. You’ll be amazed at how that simple technique can reduce the time-zappers from your day.

What do you hope readers will take away from your book, Breaking Up with Busy: Real-Life Solutions for Overscheduled Women?

My hope is that readers discover a clear path to living the life they desire. That they take away practical solutions for making daily shifts and learn to connect with and listen to their spiritual voice. I want them to feel confident and know that they can transform their needs and wants into reality. This book is about mindful intentions, clear and thoughtful communication, healthy boundaries, and a big dose of love and compassion for one another – and I hope they use all of it to be exactly who they are meant to be.

*********

Yvonne Tally is the author of Breaking Up with Busy. She leads meditation and de-stressing programs for corporations, individuals, and private groups in Silicon Valley. An NLP master practitioner, Yvonne cofounded Poised Inc., a Pilates and wellness training studio, and is the founder of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Scarves, a charity that provides headscarves to cancer patients. She lives in Northern California. For more information about her work, please visit: www.YvonneTally.com